Doomsday is nigh

According to the article links below, European carrier Ryanair and Australian carrier Qantas are going to add in flight cell coverage. Gee, thanks for shitting in my Wheaties. That means it is only a matter of time before more carriers offer this exasperating feature. It's bad enough I have to sit in front of some brat screaming and kicking my chair, or listen to the Paris purse pooch whimpering under the seat next to me, but now I will have to endure some sales weasel rattling on to his buddy Chet about how he banged some 23 year old hotel bar whore after closing his largest deal of the year. WTF are they thinking? Text messaging is one thing, but every ass monkey on the plane will be chatting if they allow this. So much for trying to get some sleep on the plane. And what about safety concerns? Oh...well we have nothing to worry about because a terrorist would never use it to communicate with someone on the ground. Ban this crap and gimme my damn bottled water back.

These articles offer signs of the approaching Apocalypse

"Ryanair to allow inflight mobile calls and emails"
http://business.guardian.co.uk/story/0,,1861283,00.html

"Mobile phones set for take-off"
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20283941-421,00.html

Come on...let me in!

"...But flying is much safer than riding in a car." Statistically that may be true, but I have never locked myself out of my car while driving.

According to Reuters some tard pilot locked himself out of the cockpit when he went on his piss break. According to the article the crew had to remove the door from its hinges to let him back in. The airline, in damage control mode stated, "The door malfunctioned ... this is a very rare occurrence." Riiiight. I bet those passengers had some puckered aholes and white knuckles during the landing.

What made Milwaukee famous...

Forbes is running a special report on "America’s Drunkest Cities." Surprise; Surprise…Milwaukee made it to the top spot. I’m shocked! How can a city built around the beer industry have so many drunks?

According to Forbes, “Each city was ranked in five areas: state laws, number of drinkers, number of heavy drinkers, number of binge drinkers and alcoholism. Each area was assigned a ranking in each category, based on quantitative data, and all five categories were then totaled to produce a final score, which was sorted to produce our rankings.”

Top Ten Drunkest Cities in America

1. Milwaukee, WI
2. Minneapolis-St. Paul, MN
3. Columbus, OH
4. Boston, MA
5. Austin, TX
6. Chicago, IL
7. Cleveland, OH
8. Pittsburgh, PA
9. Philadelphia, PA
10. Providence, RI

All of the top ten cities experience fairly cold winters with Austin being the single exception. Perhaps that has something to do with it. Of course if I had to live in a few of these cities I might turn to the bottle.

Don't map it....Schmap it

There is no shortage of mapping tools and travel software on the market. Many of those tools lack functionality or are entirely overpriced. Over the past few months I have been using a freeware tool called Schmap. Schmap combines some of the best Web 2.0 features into an impressive dynamic travel tool. The Schmap Player allows you to plan your trip and print custom guides. Schmap currently offers over 100 downloaded guides covering major U.S, Canadian, and European cities. Schmap does not currently offer guides for the Middle East or Asia cities. Schmap is in the process of adding additional guides over the next few months. The Schmap Player and dynamic guides can be downloaded from the link on this blog or by visiting their website directly.

I am going to get this muthaf'ing snake off this muthaf'ing train!

Somebody betta call Samuel L. Jackson. According to this BBC News article, "A Swiss train has been taken out of service after a pet snake escaped from its owner and hid in a carriage.."

For those of you that haven't seen Snakes on a Plane I highly suggest it. Snakes + Samuel L. Jackson = Freakin' Awesome.

Parched throat, dry lips, and stinky pitts...but at least I am safe

The TSA is at it again banning substances on board aircraft in order to make the skies safe from terroism. I can no longer take my bottled water, Carmex, or deodorant on board, but I am allowed to bring knitting needles, corkscrews, and six inch screw drivers on board. Hmm...explain to me how my Carmex is more dangerous than long, pointed objects? And for now you can't take gel sole inserts on board. That's right....you won't be gellin' on the plane. I support increasing travel safety, but much of what the government is doing is creating the illusion of safety. If the government was truly dedicated to making this county safer, why did Congress recently drop financing for increased port security? According to this Seattle Post-Intelligencer article, "Currently, about 5 percent of U.S.-bound containers are inspected." Wow...now that's frightening!

Here is TSA's list of things you can and can't bring on board.

http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/prohibited/permitted-prohibited-items.shtm

According to the site you can take Toy Transformer Robots on board. Why did this item even make the list? Was the TSA swamped with phone calls from passengers asking if they could take Optimus Prime on board? Although I could understand the TSA not allowing Megatron on board since he transforms into gun. That might scare the Gobots out of some flight attendant.

Tokyo Rush Hour

Fellow travel blogger, Fosta has posted a time lapse video entitled "Tokyo Hectic" showcasing some of the wacky pedestrian traffic in Tokyo. I have witnessed the human schools of fish on Tokyo streets and was amazed. Tokyo is either the wonderous city of the future or it's what all those science fiction movies warned us about.

Careful....it might go off in your hand

Looks like some douche got arrested last week and charged with felony disorderly conduct and faces up to three years in prison if convicted. Why you ask? Airport security at Chicago's O'Hare Airport discovered a suspicious-looking object in his luggage. Instead of telling them it was used to plump his Ballpark Frank, he said it was a bomb. Apparently he had not heard that airport security lack a sense of humor. According to the article he lied because "his mother was standing nearby when the object was discovered and he didn't want her to know about it." Well guess what Amin...mommy knows now and so does the whole world. As a response the TSA will probably add sex toys to the list of prohibited items on airlines. Thanks alot Amin!

More on the story can be found here:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14478916/

Atlanta Botanical Garden - Niki in the Garden

The Atlanta Botanical Garden is once again trying to recaputre the success of their art in the garden series. Until October 31st, the Garden will host the world's largest collection of sculptures by world renowned artist Niki de Saint Phalle.

30th Birthday Countdown

Less than 60 days remain in my twenties. I had hoped to plan some sort of dehauchery to properly say good-bye to youth. It looks like I may have to modify my plans. I spent my 29th birthday in Beijing last year. This year it looks like Tokyo will get to see me into my 30s. This could be a lot of fun. I'm not sure my liver has fully recovered from my last visit to Japan.

Kanpai!

Upcoming Travels

I know, I know. I haven't been updating this blog. I know you are disappointed, but me along with my luggage have remained mostly at home all summer. That will soon change. My Skymiles will be ticking upward soon. "Come on Platinum Status!"
Below are some of my upcoming travels over the next 3 months.

• Boston, Massachusetts
• London, England
• Beijing, China
• Shanghai, China
• Tokyo, Japan