Taj Mahal

The driver stopped all of the sudden in Agra and a man got into the car. My first reaction was "Whoa. Get the hell out. This ain't no taxi." The man let me know he would be my tour guide. It had been pre-arranged by my driver. I was sure this was going to cost me. It's probably some well choreographed scam.

The tour guide instructed the driver where to go and commenced to dispensing his scripted history lesson of Agra and the Taj Mahal. The driver stopped at the main entrance we exited the vehicle. Then my guide started his Jesse Owens sprint to the main entrance. I am doing my best to keep up without jogging and while fending off an assault of souvenir merchants. "You like. Remember me later. My name Johnny. You come back later and buy okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? I Johnny." First of all don't say okay. This just implies some form of verbal agreement to buy their crap. And secondly, Johnny? There is no way your name is Johnny. Shoo!

We get to the entrance and the guide pushes me to the front of the line. Wow..we just blatantly cut in line in front of about 350 locals. I didn't look back to see who was pissed. As he bought tickets and water I tried to catch my breath and noticed the price for domestics is about 1/10 the price for foreigners. I am about to pass out at this point. It's 110 degrees and we just sprinted 1/2 a mile from the main entrance.

Once tickets are in hand we queue up in another security line. We are crammed into the security line like cattle. Not Indian cattle because that analogy would mean we would just wander in where and whenever we wanted. We were packed into the line like American cattle. The tour guide reminds me to be careful of my wallet and camera due to thieves. Less than a minute of saying this, I feel a tug at my front left pocket. This 6 year old in line behind me is trying to put his hand into my wallet pocket. I slap his hand away and sternly say NO. He backs away cowering and his dad moves in between us. Look here ya little bastard, I don't give a damn that you are 6 and I don't care what country I am in. Try to steal my wallet again and I will punch you in the throat. Want a piece of me dad? Bring it! Oh, me and what army? I have enough cash on me to hire a small army to defend myself. Back off!

Having barely avoided an international incident we make our way through the court yard and to the Taj Mahal. I continue to try catching my breath when it is taken away again by the beautiful structure.